


Let's meet again someday, I love you.

by Elfwitch



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Character Death, Homosexuality, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-07-28 06:21:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20059441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elfwitch/pseuds/Elfwitch
Summary: Jiyong was gone and all that was left were the memories.





	Let's meet again someday, I love you.

**Author's Note:**

> GDYB.  
I do not own big bang.  
Character Death.  
I wrote this fic years ago in like 2011, I think it still holds up.

The words etched onto the gravestone underneath his name read: "Live Fast, Die Young" and in his grief Youngbae couldn't help but think that these four words, this phrase, described who Jiyong had been almost perfectly. The sunglasses Youngbae wore hid his swollen and red eyes from the probing stares. He wished that they would just go away and leave him and Jiyong to their privacy. Their relationship had been an on-going struggle for over ten years, kept a secret only because Youngbae didn't feel comfortable enough to just come out and say it. It had nothing to do with Jiyong in general; the sole reason being because Youngbae had never really quite accepted the fact that he was gay, despite loving Jiyong exclusively with all his heart.

("So I'm curious Bae, are we going to stay a secret forever? I was thinking about moving to the States, then we can get married and stop hiding this shit between us.")

Then again, Jiyong always talked like that. And it was always hard to tell whether the other man was being serious or not. So, Youngbae would always nod silently, smile and agree with the other. Forever missing that sad lingering look Jiyong would give him when he was sure the other man wasn't looking. It seemed almost as if he was having a bad dream and that he was going to wake up in a couple of hours to Jiyong's slim body wrapped around him like a blanket.

A hand landed on his shoulder and he turned his head to the side to see his good friend Seunghyun standing over him, also wearing a pair of shades, dressed in an all black suit. He looked pale and seemed to have a sort of permanent grimace on his face.

"We're about to leave."

Jiyong and Seunghyun had had a shallow fling at some point when the two of them had broken up. Jiyong throwing it up in his face and deliberately making him jealous. Seunghyun always looked uncomfortable and apologetic whenever Jiyong would drag him over to where Youngbae was sitting, making a show of their relationship until Youngbae would storm off in disgust.

("We don't even really like each other, not like that anyways. It's just sex and we don't like that either.")

Seunghyun had then laughed, an abrupt bark of laughter escaping his throat as if in that moment he was wondering as well as Youngbae, why the hell were they even together? It only seemed to be benefiting Jiyong. Seunghyun dallied for a moment and then kneeled down next to Youngbae who turned away from him, his body languange suddenly tense.

"He only ever loved you man, right down to the very end."

Seunghyun didn't stay long after that (he didn't even look at Jiyong's tombstone) he just turned and walked off, stiffly. His hands tucked deep within the pockets of his slacks. Seunghyun had always been a pretty deep person, in spite of his goofy awkward nature. They should go out for a drink sometime (even though Youngbae didn't even drink). Youngbae found him-self thinking back to the first time they had saw each other, since it just seemed appropriate at that moment to remember a day that transpired over ten years ago. Jiyong had been laughing like a maniac that day, his teeth straight and shining. The younger was wearing a white off the shoulder shirt, with a blotch of black seemingly thrown onto the front. A black grand-daddy hat, some nerd glasses; black, red and white Jordan's and the tightest pair of black jeans Youngbae had ever seen.

If was almost as if Jiyong had smelled him enter the room because he had paused, then looked directly at him. Youngbae wasn't sure what that feeling was that had overcome him in that moment, but for a split second his heart had completely stopped inside of his chest.

("You're short," Jiyong stated rather bluntly. Youngbae gave him a blank stare. "I'm not saying it like it's a bad thing, you're cute with it; let's be friends.")

Jiyong had took his bewildered look as that of acceptance and for the next four years of High School would not leave his side. It had annoyed Youngbae a little at first, but eventually he had grown use to Jiyong's almost constant companionship, to the point that he needed the other man by his side just as much as Jiyong needed him by his own.

Their first kiss had been after graduation. Jiyong had drunken enough to be a little buzzed and despite having girlfriends throughout High School couldn't seem to keep his hands off of Youngbae. No one really paid attention to them, thinking it was just how they normally acted around one another since they were so close. Youngbae however knew better.

("What are you doing? You're hanging all over me like you want to get under my clothes!")

Jiyong had given him a probing stare after that, suddenly not so drunk and very much so sober. He invaded Youngbae's personal space, smelling like something so good, nearly feminine and Youngbae didn't quite know what to do with him-self. Jiyong had then dipped his head and kissed him. A soft, sort of wet pressing of their lips. A spool of heat curled inside of Youngbae's gut and the disappointment he felt once their lips had parted made his head reel. I want to fuck him Youngbae thought. They'd had sex for the first time that night. It wasn't romantic, planned or even really good--but there had been tears in Jiyong's eyes when he finally came and that somehow meant something.

("I think I love you Youngbae, I think I've loved you ever since the first time I saw you.")

Seunghyun and Youngbae went out for drinks a week after Jiyong's funeral. The atmosphere around them comfortable yet sad.

"I thought you didn't drink?" Seunghyun asked. Youngbae tipped the shot back, grimaced, coughed and then gave the other man a watery, heart-broken smile.

"I don't."

Jiyong however drunk all the time. Coming home trashed and trying to get a frustrated Youngbae to sleep with him. He'd always hated Jiyong in those moments, but right now, sitting in this dark bar, he'd give anything, even his liver to hear that door open and slam. Jiyong blowing his alcoholic breath softly over his cheek, his body draped over him as he tried to stick his hand down Youngbae's boxers to get him hard and in the mood.

("I want to feel you inside me Bae, please, don't be mad.")

"So what are you going to do?"

Youngbae shrugged. "I don't really know." And he didn't. Life without Jiyong was lonely, void, empty. For the first time in his life he had no idea what he wanted, because there was no life without Jiyong, there was nothing he wanted but Jiyong. "I thought I knew, but now when I think about it everything is just one huge blank."

Seunghyun nodded his head in seeming understanding. About three years ago a man he had contemplated becoming serious with had died in a tragic car accident. Seunghyun was still even three years later trying to pick up the shattered pieces. The glass biting into his skin and making him bleed.

"It's like that sometimes and the pain never really heals or goes away, all you can really do is try and numb it, but I think that just hurts more."

Youngbae eyed the drink in his hand, suddenly having no clue what the hell he had just ordered and not really caring. Jiyong was gone and the more it sunk in the more Youngbae felt his heart dying. He hadn't even cried yet.

"I thought I had it all figured out. When I left to go to the States to dance I thought I was doing both me and Jiyong a favor. We weren't getting along at all. Fighting all the time, saying hurtful things to one another. I was so sure we needed a break, so I left and then..."

"It's not your fault, you didn't know Jiyong was capable of doing something like this." 

Of course Youngbae knew this, but it didn't make it hurt any less. If he could turn back the hands of time, he would have never went anywhere. He would have stayed right by Jiyong's side and helped him through whatever inner problems he had had. Because wasn't that what friends were for? Jiyong was his lover, his boyfriend, yes. But before all that Jiyong had been his best-friend, that person he could turn to when things became too much. Where was he when Jiyong needed him the most? How come he couldn't be Jiyong's shoulder to cry on?

("Wait, Youngbae, you can't leave. I'm sorry, whatever it is that I did, I'm sorry. Don't leave me, I need you, more than anything.")

Youngbae could feel something burning along the backs of his eyes and he distracted him-self from it by drinking a hefty amount of the liquor in his glass. The strong taste of it burning the back of his throat and hitting his stomach like lead. He felt like shit. He just wanted to disappear already. There had never be anything wrong with Jiyong. Jiyong was Jiyong. And the one thing that he had admired more than anything about Jiyong was the fact that he wasn't afraid to be him-self, even when no one else, including him, quite got it. Jiyong was flashy, loud, gorgeous and he wasn't afraid to flaunt it. Youngbae loved that about him.

("It doesn't bother me at all Ji, I think it's cool. I could never be that free.")

The two of them were polar opposites, but they clicked so well sometimes Youngbae believed that they were made for each other. And maybe they just were.

Seunghyun really didn't want to leave Youngbae alone and drunk, but Youngbae told him that he would be all right. The truth was he would never be all right again in they both knew it. Youngbae had tried and failed to fix him-self up something to eat, only to at some point collapse on the couch in fall into an exhausted sleep. It was late when he was woken up by way of falling off his couch. His TV was off and he couldn't really remember turning it off or if it had been on beforehand. There was something odd in the air, Youngbae could feel it as he stood up and looked around his dark living area. Still a bit drunk he stumbled into his bedroom, nearly falling over in shock at who he saw sitting on the edge of his bed.

"Ji--Jiyong!?"

Jiyong gave him an amused smile as he sat Indian style in the center of the bed they once shared together.

"Wow Bae, you look like you've just seen a ghost."

Youngbae walked toward the bed as if in a trance before falling down to his knees, afraid to touch Jiyong but not being able to stop him-self.

"Are you real or am I just dreaming?"

Leaning over Jiyong wiped away the stray tear that had slipped free from Youngbae's eye without the other knowing, the smile on his face dreamy and beautiful.

"This is as real as it get's baby."

Youngbae cried. "I'm sorry Jiyong, I'm sorry that I couldn't be good enough for you. I'm sorry that I left you alone when you needed me the most. I'm sorry that I didn't care enough or maybe I cared too much, I don't know... I'm sorry I never told you I loved you."

("Jiyong's... Jiyong's dead Youngbae, he killed him-self.")

I'm sorry I never told you I loved you, more than anything. I love you Jiyong, I love you. I always will.

Jiyong ran his fingers through Youngbae's hair. The Mohawk he had gotten and personified while down in the States.

"Thanks Bae, that's all I ever wanted to hear. I love you too, but you already knew that, so, let's meet again someday. Until then, please, don't be sad."

I'm sorry...

"Yea."

"Hello, Seunghyun? Are you doing anything later? No? Oh good... huh?" Youngbae laughed, looking around his bedroom, gaze stopping on his still un-made bed and lingering. "I'm just fine."

For the moment, anyways.


End file.
